breaking!cookie news · the front page
scoopable tub declared a public menace to willpower
by the newsdesk · reporting live from the oven
the front-page photo drops here
exhibit a: the tub in question, moments before disappearing.
the scoopable tub cookie is back in rotation. witnesses describe it as warm, gooey and entirely dangerous. willpower nowhere to be found.
it arrives warm, loaded with chips and callets, and takes your whole afternoon with it. a spoon is not optional. we reached the cookie for comment; it melted slightly, which we're choosing to read as a yes. side effects include saying yummy, out loud, in public.